What the heck does ‘Aligning with my Values’ actually mean and how do I work out what they are?
I always work on values with my clients, and I regularly look at mine, reassess, and see if I’m living my life according to them. I also notice that they have changed through different stages of my life, which is why it’s important to keep revisiting.
So, what are they and how do I know what mine are?
Values to me are things that I hold really important in my life and the way I live it. There are certain values that are non- negotiable and there are some that I strive to include in my life. Some are physical things, some are emotional, some are the way I present myself in life, ways of being. I always know when I’m not upholding a value as I get a little message from my gut that something isn’t quite right. (Always important to listen to those little gut messages, they are never wrong.)
How do I define my values?
A good place to start is to try this exercise of looking back over your life from a personal and career point of view.
1/ Think about when you were most happy. Take a moment to really remember…..
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
Think of all the reasons that specific time made you happy
2/Think about a time you felt most proud.
Why did you feel proud?
Did others share your feelings of pride, if so, who?
Think of all the reasons you felt proud.
3/ Think about when you were most fulfilled and satisfied
What need or desire was fulfilled?
How and why did this experience give your life meaning?
Think of all the reasons you felt fulfilled and satisfied.
Looking at your answers you can now work out your top values based on your experiences of happiness, pride and fulfilment.
I’ll give you an example of one of mine
Happiness
I was very happy when I used to go to Wales a lot as a kid. We had a holiday home in the middle of nowhere.
I would go with my family, and we would spend hours playing games as it rained sooooooo much. I loved the connection and being in nature and away from the world. The stars shine so bright at night and the deep quiet is so loud!
I would also curl up in front of the fire with a book and sometimes stay there all day reading. A massive act of self-care and quite decadent!
My friendships in Wales, especially with Kat in the village, I will always hold dear to my heart. We wrote to each other (yes actual letter writing!) most weeks, and when I was in Wales, we spent all our time together, baking, creating art, being bored and coming up with imaginative games and putting on shows (sorry Sers – my sis got dragged into them too!) We went through losses, heart breaks and huge amounts of laughing together.
So from that paragraph a few values would be……..
Family, nature, stillness and space, self-care, friendship, loyalty, curiousity
Below is a list of values from Bréne Brown’s website to get you going, but to be honest I don’t think there should be any rules, you make them up, it’s your life and how you want to live it.
I would find 15 that you really relate to and then spend some time condensing them until you have about 3 -5 major ones.
Enjoy finding out your values and then the fun really begins! Checking in and seeing if you are living by your values and making the necessary changes to make sure you are aligned with what’s most important to you. Enjoy :) xxxx
